Emotional pain is awful. It is an overwhelming, exhausting, long-lasting, deep in your soul kind of hurt. And just for good measure, you are trampled by almost every innocuous event; every song on the radio retells your sad story, random faces in the street morph into the person you miss, an innocent conversation overheard reminds you of the past. And, call me crazy, but I think time has the nerve to move slower. The other thing I have noticed is that, no matter how many times you deal with serious loss, it doesn't seem to get easier or to ease faster. No benefit for time served! Luckily, experience does lend it's hand when it comes to employing tools and outlets that guided you through past emotional pain.
Unfortunately for me, my husband left our marriage almost 2 years ago. That's a really long time ago for me to bring it up now. Or is it? Who is to say how long we should grieve? Does it differ according to the type of loss? Do we get 6 months for the loss of a relationship, a year for the loss of a parent and two for , G_d forbid, the loss of a child. Do the circumstances surrounding your loss affect your allotted grieving time? Absolutely NOT. Take as long as you need. That's what I believe and that's what I have done. It has been frustrating and maddening with two little steps forward and one giant step back sometimes. I have hit speed bumps at 20 mph and others at 100 mph (yikes!!), rivers of tears have threatened to drown me and anyone near me, countless hours of sleepless nights have passed agonizing over every detail.
Guess what though?? The other day a song that has been quite popular for way too long came on and absolutely nothing happened!! It dawned on me with such shock almost at the last verse. My mood did not waver nor did my eyes well up. There was only a momentary awareness that this was one of the million songs that elicited despair in the past and none was forthcoming. I returned to the present moment and listened to just the song. Hallelujah! It was a beautiful song full of emotion accompanied by beautiful music.
What once tore me up became the sign of my recovery. How odd this life is! We need to pay attention to the little things. On this particular morning, a song gave me hope, a glimmer of light. It allowed me the gift of perspective on my recovery. Time is moving; not slower as it seems sometimes, it is moving at the right speed for you right now.