This blog is about tools. Tools for navigating your life. They are tools that have been passed down to me, that have worked and that I want to continue sharing with you. I have sought out a lot of help throughout my life. Thankfully, I have kept my mind open to any and all suggestions offered by professionals, books, friends etc. If you do the same, inevitably you will find tools that work for you. I promise.
We all have relationships that challenge us. Maybe we need to end them, create boundaries or maybe we need to stop the cycle of returning to them...Lord knows I have all these and more.
Assuming you have recognized this unhealthy pattern and want to disentangle from it, here is what I do and you can too: I write scripts. I play scenarios out practicing what I am going to say and do. Writing out the words you want to speak and visualizing the scene with it's desired outcome is invaluable practice and definitely increases the likelihood that you will have the power to carry through. I plan and hand-write my responses. I type them in my phone. I speak them to myself. I have even used post-its placed right next to the telephone so my thoughts were in my face so to speak. Reading and hearing my words enables me to believe in their power. Tell the person to hold on or excuse yourself for a minute so you can take a deep breath and read what you cared enough about yourself to write. Your words and "mental skits" are immensely powerful. They give you permission and strength to honor yourself.
Even if you go off script or hesitate, that's OK. This takes practice. It is so loving and empowering just to create your own dialogue. We are all so good at it already. Most of us have run negative tapes in our mind; imagining the worst scenarios, worrying that we won't stand-up or simply just bashing ourselves irregardless of other people. Turning this around is work but here is a very simple, practical tool to start with. Use it. The feelings you will have behind this action are immeasurable despite whether you are successful this time or not. And there is carryover! Carryover to other interactions and relationships. Carryover to turning negative thought patterns into positive, strength building patterns.